New territory

Beau the bath shitter marked new territory this morning. And it rates as one of the most gross motherhood experiences of mine to date (and that's really saying something given the countless turds I've scooped out of the bath, not to mention being splattered with Jasmine's newborn machine gun poo).

I was having a shower this morning, and next to guitars/ukeleles, showers are Beau's favourite thing in life right now. So there I am, enjoying the warm water when in walks Beau in his pyjamas and asks to join me. I figure, why not and take of his PJs and night-time nappy only to have it land heavily on the shower floor, full to the brim with sticky, stinky, mushy, sludgy poo, which of course is also caked all over his bum and wedged up his bum crack.

So I'm standing there looking at the poo oozing out of Beau's nappy onto the shower floor and a poo covered boy eager to hop under the shower. I don't know what to do first. I can't get out to grab a wipe - I'm soaked, and it's entirely possible that within a second of me leaving, Beau will wipe his hands on his arse and smear poo all over the walls/his face/both. Or pick up the nappy and play with the oozy poo. Or run out of the shower after me dropping chunks of poo from his bum onto the floor behind him in a kind of twisted version of Hansel and Gretel.

So I have to scoop up the poo into the poo-filled nappy and wrap it up as neatly as possble, then wash the chunks of remaining poo off Beau's bum with MY BARE HANDS! There were bits of poo all over the shower floor, Beau was wriggling everywhere, my hands were covered in it, and the whole time I'm praying neither of us falls over into it. I tell you, there is not enough hot water and soap in the world to clean off the feeling of putting your hand into someone's poo filled arse crack to scoop out the crap.