New territory

Beau the bath shitter marked new territory this morning. And it rates as one of the most gross motherhood experiences of mine to date (and that's really saying something given the countless turds I've scooped out of the bath, not to mention being splattered with Jasmine's newborn machine gun poo).

I was having a shower this morning, and next to guitars/ukeleles, showers are Beau's favourite thing in life right now. So there I am, enjoying the warm water when in walks Beau in his pyjamas and asks to join me. I figure, why not and take of his PJs and night-time nappy only to have it land heavily on the shower floor, full to the brim with sticky, stinky, mushy, sludgy poo, which of course is also caked all over his bum and wedged up his bum crack.

So I'm standing there looking at the poo oozing out of Beau's nappy onto the shower floor and a poo covered boy eager to hop under the shower. I don't know what to do first. I can't get out to grab a wipe - I'm soaked, and it's entirely possible that within a second of me leaving, Beau will wipe his hands on his arse and smear poo all over the walls/his face/both. Or pick up the nappy and play with the oozy poo. Or run out of the shower after me dropping chunks of poo from his bum onto the floor behind him in a kind of twisted version of Hansel and Gretel.

So I have to scoop up the poo into the poo-filled nappy and wrap it up as neatly as possble, then wash the chunks of remaining poo off Beau's bum with MY BARE HANDS! There were bits of poo all over the shower floor, Beau was wriggling everywhere, my hands were covered in it, and the whole time I'm praying neither of us falls over into it. I tell you, there is not enough hot water and soap in the world to clean off the feeling of putting your hand into someone's poo filled arse crack to scoop out the crap.

The 'special cuddle' talk

Last night Jasmine told me that the little girl in the book we were reading looked like her mummy. I said, "well, that's because her mummy made her, like I made you. That's why sometimes people tell you that you look like me."

"But how did you make me Mummy?"

(Uh. Ahh, I wasn't expecting this question quite yet. OK. You're fine. Just be calm and make it simple.)

"Well, Daddy put a seed inside my tummy and it grew into a tiny little baby that was you."

"But how did the seed get into your tummy?"

(OK. OK. OK. Surely that was enough information! Why doesn't she just want to keep reading the book?! Look how interesting the pictures are!)

"Well, you know how boys are different from girls, they have penises and girls have vaginas. Well when Mummy and Daddy love each other very much

(I can't believe I'm saying this!)

they give each other a special cuddle and Daddy's penis puts the seed inside Mummy's tummy."

(Phew! I did it! Not so bad!)

"But how does his penis put the seed in?"

(Oh, man!)

"Daddy's penis goes into Mummy's vagina and puts the seed in her tummy."

(Oh shit, do I also tell her it's not ok for someone to do that to her? Am I going to scare her? Is she going to get grossed out? Is that too much information?)

"Oh. And how does the baby come out?"

(Why all the questions? Why now?!)

"You came out of my vagina. It's a special hole for babies."

(But very poorly designed for that purpose I might add. Definitely a design flaw that needs improvement.)

"Oh. Can we read the book now Mummy?"

(Hell yes!)


"Hell yes... I mean, of course, where were we up to?"

Little Farmers

One of the Little Lawrence's favourite outings of late has been to a nearby farm. The kids get to cuddle baby animals in the nursery and milk a cow by hand.

This weekend Grandma and Poppa took them to the farm while Mummy and Daddy had a weekend away, and Jasmine was chosen as one of 5 children to go up on 'stage' (ie. the milking area) to feed a baby goat milk. She was about half the size of the next biggest child! Talk about chutzpah!

ABCs

Jasmine is starting to recognise some letters and numbers these days and got a kick out of helping me to read the paper this morning, pointing out her favourite letters, S and O, and we had a long search for a J as well. She then burst into the ABC song which I managed to catch on video!

Little Easter Lawrence Lovelies

We had a super dooper Easter egg hunt yesterday morning. The Little Lawrences were up at sparrow's fart, and soon discovered the Easter bunny had done his/her (?) job and laid out a trail of chicks and tiny eggs down the hall, leading to a hidden nest of treasures behind the cushions on the couch.

Jasmine and Beau then proceeded to eat more chocolate in 30 minutes than either of them had eaten in their entire lives (Mummy Easter Bunny had gotten a bit over excited when purchasing foil covered chocolate the preceeding week). It was a chocolate free-for-all!

How much more can I fit in my mouth?

What's an Easter Egg hunt without wings and a crown?

Jasmine's Easter Cards

Jasmine has been having a ball cutting and pasting recently. I've been collecting catalogues for the Easter egg and bunny pictures, and she goes through them as fast as they arrive. I have finally found a use for junk mail!

The light was just perfect the other day when she was at her creative best, and these beautiful photos were the result.

My Little Muso

We don't usually jam with our pants off, but when the music takes hold nothing can stop Beau.

The ukulele is his latest fixation. He calls it 'Sing' and carries it everywhere. Lately we've been having tears at bedtime because Mummy wont let 'Sing' into bed (who woulda thought?), much to Beau's dismay. We have to repeatedly kiss and cuddle 'Sing' and put it to bed on the chair. 

Something tells me we'll be investing in guitar lessons someday in the future. And singing lessons. And maybe blond tips, a hair straightener, lots of prod, ripped jeans and over-priced trainers. But given his dad is Tim it was probably inevitable anyway.